festivus for the rest of us

So my hormones are still trying to get evened out so that makes me jekylandhydish. I am trying to pray my way through but I am quite EGG.AUST.TED in the evening.

Last night was church night except for the fact that my girl had a ton'o homework. They have short week this week ( and last and next) so I guess they still are trying to make it through with the same amount of work. So us girls stayed home and the boys went on to church- Nick had to christmas pagent practice.

We worked on algebra and then did some Titanic reporting. Fun stuff. Then momma just couldn't take much more fun and took a 20 minute snooze on the couch cause I am just that tired.

Anywho, it was a rush of field trip monies, fund raiser forms and leftover eating. Just another day in the Pore House. Festive, huh?

Today both my kiddos got awards at school. My knight in shining armor went to the ceremonies this go round. Also, my dad went. I think this was his first school assembly in about 4 or 5 decades but they were doing a veterans day theme and were going to have all the people who served in the armed forces stand up. Nick wanted people to clap for his grandpa so he went. Amazing the change in a person once they become a grandparent. So happy that my kids are close to their grandparents.

Thanks

So how did November get here already? It should easily be just the beginning of September. Oh well, life moves quickly. I thought I would steal a couple minutes to slow it down by posting some of my recent favorites.

I have missed so much with my kiddos this week as it is preregistration, my busiest work time. I have had to leave early in the morning which has upset the whole morning routine but my kids are such troopers...even leaving at 6:15 in the morning with night before washed hair and being 13 years old.

So this morning was the first morning of normalcy. So I was able to see all I had missed.

1. Little boys who need haircuts have mohawk morning hair.
2. When pushed to their limits, pink zebra striped blow dryers can be a sister's equivilant to a Nerf gun.
3. Three shirt options are the minimum amount of outfit changes
4. Our semi-rushed morning routine is like balm on our souls after the last week of earliness.
5. Gameboys get left behind voluntarialy in exchange to group scripture memorization in the car.

God is good and I am so thankful for these little whispers of life that I get to keep and cherish in my heart.

last night, my girl and I went over to a friends house to visit for a few minutes. As we drove the darkened roads, she started sharing her heart with me about how things were in her life. How hard and pressed the world was getting. She asked some good questions about how Christians live in the mess, how they can be perceived in debates (like gay marriage rights etc). It was a wonderful conversation. I hope to never forget this little snipet.

Her: But Mom I know all about the Word being the sword of the spirit but sometimes it just feels like we just sit around and get bashed up.(Oh how true that may feel)

I just prayed for His words to be mine as I spoke to my little prophet. My little "all or nothing", never halfway Spirit filled miracle. Then I spoke of His truth- it is not the people we fight. It is the principalities and the powers of darkness that cause the division we must bind up.

Oh to see the Light in her eyes.

Oh to feel His presence in that car.

His words,not mine. His girl, not mine.

Truth spoken to a soil that is ready and ripe. Love wins.

Again I whisper, thanks for letting me see this, to be here, to feel this. Keep knocking, keep being what she seeks, keep loving her in ways I can't.

Thanks for this moment.

Roller coaster

So my boy is pretty energetic. He is on go constantly. Jeff and I just shake our heads sometimes because he is such a bull in a china shop. he has such a joyful person and has energy but his attitude is laid back. he stresses over very little.

When he is up- he is up but once bedtime hits, he is down for the count.

This picture just is so typical of Nick. Stretched out and laid back, resting up for when those eyes open up for an adventure.

Think he looks like he is riding a roller coaster. Which is sometimes what it feels like being his mom- ha!

My morning view

This morning as I flipped on the lights to wake up my sweet Abigail. I was immediately struck with a grateful heart. Not because her room is neat or that she was peacefully sleeping like an angelic baby, but because of the realness of her life is in that room. One day in the not so distant future, especiallyif you take into account how fast the last 13 years have gone, I will pine away for the days I could see her face everyday. I see my friends with kids in college or applying for colleges and it pangs my heart to think that she will be moving on and out.

So that is deep for a Friday morning wake up but all the same the realization hit me in a moment. So before I woke her I took this picture so that I could freeze time for a moment to remember.

Things I love about this picture:
1. That balled up beneath that comforter is my sweet girl. She rarely sleeps all spread out and relaxed. She always is tightly wound in her blankets. It speaks volumnes of her personality as well. My girl has purpose and a reason for everything.

2. The bibles at the foot of her bed. Not one, but three stacked on the floor on top of a devotional book. My guess is she was sitting on the beanbag reading the devotional and either had a question about something or she just wanted to take it deeper so she started her research, comparing and contrasting the different translations. Seeking His Word on the matter that was on her heart. I said a silent prayer of thanksgiving when I saw them. Thankful that she knows where to find truth and that He spoke straight to her heart in a way that I can not.

3. The guitar case. She had lessons the night before. Abigail is breaking the cycle of our non-musical roots. She loves to sing, play guitar and piano. She can read music and has a natural ability of musicality. I am completely in awe that she has gone on this path since her parents are so not musically inclined. We just pay those who can help her to reach her goals.

When I get home today. The bed will be made. The bibles tucked away on her desk, the guitar will be hanging over her bed. Things will be different. I will still hold the picture of this morning in my head but life will have moved on. I am grateful I really saw the morning view.

Can't touch this

So we changed plans to stay in tonight. The kids decided we are going to have a Dance Party. This should be fun.

Jeff and I are already 'talking smack' to each other about who is going to school who on the dance/livingroom floor.

Love it! Pictures and posts to follow.

He prays for me

So I battle demons of the ovarian kind. I have some female issues which can lead to quite bit of pain and uncomfort. My husband has been in my life most of my womanly days and knows the signs. Not that he could miss some of them. But you know what he does...he prays.

He prays for my pain, for my healing and the restoration of my health. He comforts me with his words and his touch but he goes beyond and ask God to comfort me more.

I love him. He prays for me.

and God winks...with words

So I have been feeling creatively barren the last few years. You know this is a stage in my life where I am growing my children into what looks like grown up people. Each day it takes a village in my heart and soul to do this. My village is the Father, Son and Spirit and every once in a long while, little old me.

I love though that I still get thirsty for words. Thirsty for His words, thirsty for words from books, thirsty for my husband's words, thirsty for the words of my sisters, thirsty for my children's words.

So in all of this communication or lack there of, I love a good story. I love to tell a good story. I love to be told a good story.

Today God winked at me with words.

I have a wonderful friendship with two women. I like to think it is my multigenerational trifeca. We span decades. Each of us from our own generation but ever so connected to each other. We lunch at least once a month and oh, how I wish it was more. I always leave our lunches with sore cheeks from the smiling and a little bit wiser.

Today was lunch with my girls. One friend's mother had just passed away last week and we were talking about her mother, the funeral, her dad, family issues. It was a wonderful time filled with lots of stories. Stories that should be told. Stories that will be forgotten if not documented and not believed even when documented.

God winked at me during this lunch. He told me that stories need a place to be written. He nudged me to start writing them down. Start with the notetaking of life.

So I will be obedient. Be prepared, oh heart and mind, you are about to be exercised.

God winks and I get to tell stories, stories that will not be forgotten.

Birthday bash

So I decided to celebrate feeling old by hurling myself into a doorjam trying to break my hip.

No really, it was a accident. I spent the better half of last Thursday night praying that I did not break my hip after falling assisting Jeff in finishing the hallway floors. I was not a good assistant since he couldn't finish because I feel and we had to go to the ER. I would also like a refund for the 18 years of dancing school my parents payed for, please.

Praise the Lord, nothing was broken but I do feel a bit like a senior citizen when I try to get up from my chair, or stand or lay down or such. I am sure it will wear off eventually, but I do like the drama it adds to my vocabulary. You know I can say things like oh goodness gracious each time I try to stand up.

Anyway, there is no crying on birthday weekends so the show must go on. And by show I mean bowling parties that try to drain my bank account and my patience. Nick had 5 friends and 3 family members to bowl with him. They bowled, ate pizza and cupcakes and played video games.

God moments from the party: Nick's friend William from school had his grandparents drop him off. I had never met William before but he was the only kid from his new class he wanted to invite. Well, William is new to his school and class. His grandmother was in tears when she picked him up happy because they have custody of him for this year at least and William was scared he would not make friends at the bigger school then he got the invitation from Nick and it made them all so happy. My kids amaze me sometimes. They always seek out the friendless. Such a blessing.

Also, our party host was a newly graduated from high school girl. She had these spiky piercings all over her face that made me want to yank them out and hug her. Anyway, she was not the friendliest or the most attentive but somehow she found out the church we attended from someone at the party. She asked about our church and I was able to talk with her about church and Jesus. She said she was going to visit our church the next day. I pray she was there.

After the bowling party, Nick had two friends spend the night. Both are friends from church. Jacob is Nick's best buddy. They play each week and they get along so well. I would say they are like brothers but honestly, they get along better than that.

Malachi was the other friend that Nick chose to spend the night. He goes to church with us and comes from a lot different background. It was fun to have them with us.

Basically the boys pummeled each other with nerf products, played video games and ran around being loud for most the evening. Eventually, they settled in adn we all went to bed. It was a fun night. Nick loved it.

Also, our family came over for cake and ice cream and the boys got to play with cousins and family members. It was a good time and Nick had a blast turning nine.

New blessings

I would like to compare and contrast the last two mornings in the Pore house.

Yesterday-
I felt nauseous. Abby cried about her tummy troubles. Nick had to blasted out of bed. Jeff forgot his lunch. i missed the exit to take it to him. I was still sick feeling. I was cold and tired enough that by lunch I took a nap in the back of my van.

Today- I woke up thankful because my alarm was set wrong and God woke me up. I had energy. No tears from Abby. Nick did some homework for tonight before school. Jeff still forgot his phone but I didn't miss my exit and he gave me a danish for my 'pay'. I ran a productive meeting and I am still well and energized.

What a difference a day makes? Not so much, what a difference a thankful heart makes. lesson learned or more likely lesson once again re-learned.

THANKS BE TO THE ONE WHO PAID MY DEBTS AND RAISED THIS LIFE UP FROM THE DEAD.

9 years

Today is my son's ninth birthday. It was a day of birth for me too.

Nick's birth was traumatic, frantic and scary. An emergency c-section in about 20 minutes from admittance to birth. Not something I would want to write in the baby book. But it is also a story of beauty from ashes, about faith vs. works.

It was around 12:00pm when I strolled into the birthplace at the local hospital. I was having contractions and they were pretty frequent. I was also a week overdue ( a hallmark of a Karen Pore birth story) and ready to have them keep me, please.

I was hooked up to monitors and was hoping I was dialated enough for them to say those magic words- YOU ARE HAVING A BABY TODAY.

The midwife got concerned right away with Nick's heartrate (another hallmark of a Karen Pore birth story). Jeff checked it out and mouthed to me- 'it is no where near as bad as it was with Abigail' so I settled in thinking that by morning I would have a little bundle of joy. I had to stay on my side and they strapped an ever fashionable oxygen mask on.

The midwife called in the dr for consultation. He looked at the monitor and confirmed the midwife's decision to break my water and get things started. He was planning on going back to the office but would be available if we had to move to c-section if labor did not progress quick enough.

He walked out of the room and the midwife started admitting me. I looked at the clock and it was about 12:50 and I started trying to guess how long I would labor and when my little bundle of boy would be in my arms.

While paperwork was in process, the midwife broke my water. At that point the room started to get really crowded.

The nurses came and left faster than I could count. I asked what was happening and I was told that Nick's heartrate had plummetted with the breaking of the water. In less than a minute my dr jogged into the room, told me I was going to have an emergency c-section. I was shaved, blood drawn, iv'd and rolled out in the matter of minutes.

It was all so fast by the clock standards but from my point of view it was in slow motion. God did that so I would not every forget our encounter.

Our first relational encounter.

The one where I truly knew He was there, He was real and He could save not only my son but my life.

As I sat there, I looked into my husbands eyes knowing he was trying his best to reassure me when he felt like the floor was jello beneath his feet. I remember turning and looking straight ahead and felt absolutely numb. My comfort did not come from my man, where I had for so many years relied on his strength.

Then I began to pray, I began to pray in a way I never had before. In a real way. Not a rote memorized doxology but a pleading that left me raw, comforted, peaceful beyond understanding, mixed in with fear, tears.

While I don't know exactly what I prayed some things are burned into my memory. All of the things I remember are based on scripture that at that point in my life I had never read or even heard.

Lord, You are God Almighty, my help in this troubled time.
Lord, hold my son in the palm of Your hand. Cover him in the safety of Your wings.
Lord, you are present and with me. You will not leave me or my son.
Lord, you are big, bigger than anything that is against us.

These were mixed in with internal sobs and fears like Lord, take me not him. Lord, save him. Lord, let me go under before they start cutting.

But the still small voice of reassurance was there. The first I had really listened to it and recognized it. I had heard him sing over me before, but I always thought it was just a good feeling not something that required a response or relationship.

Now I would love to say that when I came to, I was immediately changed. That everything was rosy and God-filled from that moment on. It wasn't, Praise God my son was fine. But Satan does not like it so much when people living for the world realize they can be close to God, in fellowship with Him and His Son and may actually live for Him.

Satan kind of steps it up at that point. So I was pretty much in a pit for a good while. My body hurt, my feelings were hurt because I was "robbed' of a good birth experience. My hormones were in full swing, my husband totaled my car then got sent to Indiana for the first week I was home, the roof leaked and caved in while he was gone, my 4 year old didn't understand that the baby was staying and the dog died. Yep. It was not the picture perfect begining of life as Pore party of 4.

I was depressed, mad and sad. I watched A Baby Story over and over and every time they laid the baby on the Mom's chest and she saw him for the first time. I sobbed. I didn't see my baby for hours and then was too drugged to even remember it.

But I felt that I owed God for his life. For our little miracle baby. SO I got up early on Sundays and ironed clothes for the family for an hour, went and sat in a dead church and left during the sermon to either rescue my crying 4 year old from the nursery or because my baby was crying. It was not peaceful. It was not even informational. It was pitiful. But I was raised that if you did what was required and was good that God would not be angry anymore. So I kept it up for one whole year. I was miserable, my husband was miserable, my kids were confused.

Then I heard a song on the radio, it was on a mainstream station but it was talking about imagining what heaven was like. I loved it and it drew me into the lyrics.

Standing in your glory,what would I say
would I dance for you Jesus or in awe of you be still

I can only imagine by MercyME

I thought to myself, if this is christian music I want more of it.

The next day as I sat in line at a stop sign the car in front of me has a bumper sticker for KLOVE. I turned my dial and fell in love with praise music and Praising My King. I told my husband about it and we both started listening regularly

Then a month or two later, I prayed God if you could just show me a church that gives me the feeling I have singing to you but during Sunday Service.

A month or two later, my brother-in-law got married in a church and the preacher was approachable, real and actually spoke like God was real in life. My husband and I were sold. We started attending this growing little church.

Let the blind eyes see.

Our eyes were opened to the grace and love of Christ and the Word of God. Nick was two and Abby was 6 when we started attending church regularly. I never once had to pick them up in nursery crying like before. THey loved it and were learning the same foundation Christian things that Jeff and I missed the first time around and were hearing now.

Slowly and steadily, God began to work on our hard hearts. We dedicated our lives to Him and our family to Him. We read his Word instead of just hearing it. Our lives were forever changed. We are still learning and relying on His grace today.

Looking back though, I know it all began with that still small voice in the hospital room on September 20, 2002.

He is faithful.

cameraless blogging

I wish I was good at blogging. I wish I was good at picture taking.

If I were good at blogging I would have recorded taking my daugher to tswift for her birthday or her actual 13th birthday.

If I were good at blogging I would have all kinds of wonderful summerfilled stories of sunkissed children, pool time, an amazing camp experience, the craziness of vacation right after said camp.

If I were good at taking pictures, I would have documented all of these events into smily faces on the screen reenforcing how blessed my life is.

If I were good at taking pictures, I would stare in amazement how my little girl looks more and more like a woman everyday. How long it takes for my son to grow grownup teeth.

Sigh.

I am not good at blogging or picture taking. I commit it to the Lord. I want to be because each day brings a new season and a reason for me to want to remember the past one. Mostly because of my ever depleting memory and my ever growing children.

forgetfulness

So I have a really 'bad' memory.

I am forgetful. I verbally equate my forgetfulness to busyness.

Too much on my plate, too little time. Too much multitasking.

I found out this morning that I think I am forgetful on purpose.

I think it is part of my protection reaction. I remember the good, block out the bad, surpress any emotional attachment and move on to the next thing.

Wow, did I just type that.

I may just cry. I am amazed at how God works on the parts we buried.

Well, it started with an outside conflict ( My dad had a work issue that led to him 'quitting' - my mother's reaction and conversations) and it resulted in me feeling like the 7 year old at a tense dinner table.

My childhood was not the fairytale type. As much as I think it was anyway. i just have never been one to rehash the bad.

Last night, the passive aggressive behavior was back at my childhood dinner table. I am not sure how something so forgotten could be so easily familar. But it sure was. The anxiety, the nervous laughter, the pointing out every problem but what really is the problem. UGH!

It has hit a nerve that I felt was either buried securely or long dead. Neither was true.

So I look at my reality with question marks today. Am I really who I say I am? Am I even who I think I am? Can I regress that easily to what I heard as a child?

No the only thing I can control is my reaction. I will react with Truth.

Isaiah 41:9-10

I have called you back from the ends of the earth saying "You are my servant"
For I have chosen you and will not throw you away.
Don't be afraid, for I am with you
Don't be discouraged for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you
I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.

I know my identity is in Christ. I am amazed that He won't just let the old hurt parts lay dormant. He wants to free me even from those buried hurts. He will turn that old soil. Not to throw it up in my face but to make it useful for new growth.

Old soil is hard, dry, parched and looks pretty benign. When you work in new soil with the old it is revived and useful. It has purpose. God has a purpose for regenerating these emotions and this time of my life. The funny thing is I have a peace I shouldn't, a confidence that is with me. He is doing this and I will trust him.

He will hold me up by His victorious right hand. I will have victory and freedom in it all. I will break the cycle of this for my children.

His Faithfulness stretches to the sky

God is good.

All the time.

I have seen an answer to a long prayed for prayer. Not for me or my family but for a friends husband. I have seen this family go from the top of the mountain regarding job placement for the husband to the deepest of valleys. Mostly, self inflicted valleys. To the place where they were ordered to be.

God planted a dream and yesterday it began to be filled. His faithfulness stretches to the sky- even when we try to put it in a little box. Praise His name.

God planted a dream in my heart and I have let it simmer. He is stirring it up again and I am mindful and heartfilled of its resurgence. I keep saying His faithfulness stretched to the sky...

Move Lord, or move me. Speak Lord, your servant listens. Help me clothe those who need it. My steps are ordered and I will walk in your way and not even stub my toe. You are so faithful!

Better than life

Psalm 63:3 Your unfailing love is better than life itself;
how I praise you!

We sang better than life yesterday at church. I like the song. It is upbeat. It just praises God that His loving-kindness is better than life.

Maybe it was the mood I was in.

Maybe it was the Friday I had.

My guess is it was the Holy Spirit talking to me ;)

That song took on so much more to me yesterday. My life is great. I have a family to love and be loved by. I have all the necessities of living and in the scheme of life on this planet, I have many luxuries too. But do you know what is better?

His loving kindness.

Loving kindness is not something we talk about a lot these days. In fact, on this little planet we call earth it is hard to find someone loving and kind. Even at the Wal-Marts where everyone seems to be all the time.

Joking aside, The Lord's loving kindness is a huge reason I am a Christian. His loving kindness is what drew me to Him and freed me of my sin. His loving kindness is what he DEMONSTRATED to me by having His son Jesus suffer the torture before and after He died on the cross. His loving kindness for me is what he DEMONSTRATED to me by Jesus rising from the grave- CONQUERING EVEN DEATH. His loving kindness sent a helper of the Holy Spirit to me to help me live and know He is real when my physical eye can't see. His loving kindness is everything. It is better than life.

I often think about how I grew up knowing about Jesus and the crucifiction. I mean I was catholic and there was a crucifix in our home and every home I went to. I remember never liking looking at them. That man with the thorns in his head and nails in his hands and feet.

I knew He died for us. I had all the prayers memorized. Even in my teenage days in the Methodist church and knew it. I was reverently grateful that this event happened so that I could be forgiven and go to heaven.

It has only been in the last few years that I have seen it as God's loving kindness. A love so great that I can't understand, a kindness so wonderful that He took pain and torture for me. It is a DEMONSTRATED love.

Romans 5:8 (New King James Version) But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

I have always heard that actions speak louder than words. I have found in marriage that although words matter a lot. Sometimes it is a quiet gesture that makes all the difference. It demonstrates the love you say and feel.

The suffering of my Lord was not quiet but it sure was a DEMONSTRATION of loving kindness. It is better than any piece of this life to know that type of love.

Your loving kindness is...

Better than life.

Refinement

So in quiet time this morning, I am reading Numbers and psalms. I have a goal to read the whole bible through this year. I am doing an online reading plan.

It sounds kind of sterile, I know.

More like another list for me to check off for my controlled, comfort level.

Really the reason I am doing it is that I want to KNOW that I have read every word in His love letter to me. No one knows about the reading plan. I am not publicizing it. I just want to be awoken anew by words that I would not normally see. Can I say I just loved LEVITICUS? Ummm, no. In fact some of it was so boring and hard to read. However, I was surprised by some of it.

I enjoy reading the whole story of Moses and Aaron and those heart wandering and disbelieving Israelites. I feel like them sometimes when I have allowed the world to become my desert. I feel like a dusty wandering traveler wondering if I am headed even in the direction I am meant to go. I feel hot and sweaty when I am trying to discern the forks in the road. Then like the Israelites when Moses comes down all shiny from being in the presence of God, I feel refreshed and know that the Holy Spirit (our helper here in our desert) has filled me. But, like the Israelites, without proper direction from the Lord- I get doubtful, fretful and sweaty in the desert again.

All of this has been a bit of a surprise to me. The Old Testament. I am a new covenant, New Testament girl. The depth of God's direct involvement in the Old Testament. The physical inhabitation of God in the Tabernacle, in the Ark. The Fire that leads at night...amazing.

Anyway, today's reading was in the beginning of Numbers about the Israelites moving and God in every detail of how they set up camp. Instructions for who lives where and who does what. I was almost a little jealous. I would love to 'know my role' where my family sits around the place that God inhabits.

I made a simple prayer at the end of my reading time. I felt the Holy Spirit with me and I just quietly whole heartily said- Lord, whatever is in me that is keeping me from the fullness of your inhabitanting my heart. Lord, whatever the role, you have for me. Whatever the place you want me to dwell- It is my desire to live there, walk there, set up camp there. Reveal to me the places of my heart that are uninhabitable. The places in my life, I have never let you touch. I confess my desire to you so that I can desire what YOU desire for me.

So, it didn't take long for my day to begin that my prayer was answered.It was about 5 minutes into my workday. I guess, I could pretend it was pretty. That I immediately recognized it but it wasn't.

I was smacked in the face with the stinkiest part of me. I recoiled once I realized that my prayer was directly related to a major mess up that occured months ago. I do data. You know lists, information etc. I have always been told and believed that i am very good at what I do. In fact, in recent months, I have been puffed up about it. You can see where this is going.

I was humbled by a mistake that was very public that should have been casught. I was prideful at the beginning of the question of my work. I was humbled by the realization that I was at fault and I was sick to see the extent of my mistake. It was public. Lots of people know and were affected. People that I have not talked well of in the past, had to defend my mistake.They reacted graciously when I have not been so gracious to them before. The list continues...I honestly got sick to my stomach - literally. I honestly fought tears. I honestly asked for supernatural intervention from God.

It was then I heard in my Spirit's ear. Child, Is this not what you asked for?

stunned.I.could.barely.breathe

Quietly, I whispered - PRIDE. Lord, PRIDE? I am so sorry. I didn't see it. I felt blind, naked and raw. Lord, forgive me of my PRIDE. I am so sorry that I have done this career in my own strength. I have left you out of my work. I have handled my learning and my acomplishments as they belong to me. I am sorry I have kept this area of my life from you. Lord, be with me in all my work. My decisions are your decisions, My plans are the ones you have set before me. Be ever present. Fill my life, my office, my mouth, my reactions,the way I interact with others- Lord- everything is yours. I humbly offer my repentance to you. I turn away from my pride. I am under your authority at work. Thank you for the revelation. Thank you for hearing my prayer and answering, Father. Your refinement is what I seek. Use my weakness to show me your strength. Show me where to set up camp, show me my role like with the Israelites. I love you and I want you in every detail. Thank you that you make all things new, I will walk in the freedom of your forgiveness. Continue Your work. I am the clay- you are the potter. Purify me and burn away all the junk. Amen.

So I began to look up verses centered around the word 'REFINE' Here is my verse for mediation today. I am so thankful for this lesson. I am sure there will be a retest :)

I am thankful for His love for me even through discipline.

Malachi 3:3 (New Living Translation)
He will sit like a refiner of silver, burning away the dross. He will purify the Levites, refining them like gold and silver, so that they may once again offer acceptable sacrifices to the Lord.

I read this morning that the Levites were the tribe assigned to set up God's dwelling place as the Israelites traveled. That they were set up as the substitutes for all of Israels first born sons. They were Aarons helpers since his first born sons were burned up by God for offering the wrong types of sacrifices. So God set apart the tribe of Levi to be Aaron's helpers. They were instructed that only those who were chosen should be in the Tabernacle and only certain people should handle the Ark. That only certain people should offer sacrifices.

You had to be holy, and stay holy.

Their job was to be holy and stay holy. To be clean and remain clean.

Lord, I want to be holy and wholly Yours. Be the refiner. Burn away the junk so that I will be acceptable to you. Amen.

journaling

So journaling has never really been my thing. But I have found that the days pass and the moments are gone and so is my memory. I like to look back and see where I have come from and what has been changed in me but with my feeble memory I lose the details of how it all happened. I hope this space will allow me to journal it out. I don't intend for this to be public but just a way for me to see God's work over time. I pray this will be a safe place for me to get it all down on 'paper', that God will use this as a journal of prayer,petition and praise, that it will help me slow down and savor each moment.

I write conversationally so this journal will become personified. I just pray that the Holy Spirit will join me in this outpouring of life so that I may be infilled with the Spirit.