a forgiven complainer

So the weather has turned a bit cooler. Long pants and blankets are being pulled out. Well, let me be honest, my blanket is always out and in use. My crock pot has been used twice this week and it is only tuesday.

My girl is breaking out her long sleeve wardrobe. My son is explaining the itchiness of having to wear long pants. I love their banter.

God revealed to me that I am a complainer. Not something I particularly loved to hear this morning but so true that it hit me in the heart. Then He proceeded to prove it to me. My girl forgot her gym clothes, so we had to back track to go back home to get them. When I am already late to work when we are at regular time. I steeled myself to not complain about it because didn't I just repent of that in quiet time this morning.

So I prayed for God to close my mouth and I hit more traffic and I prayed to stick my tongue to the roof of my mouth and I got behind a TRASH TRUCK and I prayed for patience and I got to work 30 minutes late.

I could feel my flesh screeming out to call my husband and tell him how bad it was. To justify myself to my coworkers about my awful morning. To complain and dramatize it to my boss so he would know that I hate being late.

I rehearsed some of the above and some of how to avoid the above in the car on the ride in. I knew how I could hint but not complain. How to get sympathy and not be unrepentive. I had a plan. Ugghhh!! Then I had to repent again.

I had to repent that I could do this in my own strength. I can't. Nothing God has ever revealed to me as an issue with my soul and spirit live has been anything I could do on my own. He has to do it. So I repented of taking control of this. I did complain this morning. I caught the words in my mouth and they tasted good but they quickly turned to wormwood in my mouth.

So my name is Karen and I am a forgiven complainer. I am going to kneel at the cross each time I complain, I give it up. I don't want some easy words and sympathy to get in my way of being closer to my Lord. I lay it at His feet. I surrender my control of my words to Him. My words are life and not death. The Spring of my heart is good and not bitter. He is living in me and He can't live with the garbage I allow as everyday in the name of "venting my feelings", NO! my words will be in the name of my Lord.

amen.